Stuck.

It's not that I overthink. I'm just a more realistic person. I'm not trying to be negative or pessimistic when it comes to anything but sometimes, what I thought of are the possibilities that are likely to happen. I've had enough of getting hurt and being self-accused as ego when the actual fact, he's the one who is ego and really hurting me. I can't keep up with all these bullshit. Sometimes it's okay, sometimes it's not. There is no assurance in this relationship. There's too much highs and lows and I feel shitty after every highs that I went through.

Sometimes I wonder what he actually wants from me; what he wants in our relationship. If you like me, you better tell me. Plus I'm waiting for after the trip to confront you and probably put an end to my confusion. I am so confused right now. I don't care if he is. But I need to save myself from this misery before I get even more hurt in the future.

This may a lesson for me. And most of my first times I did was with him. I don't think he knows; I don't think he gets where I'm coming from.